Exercising While Intoxicated II — The Relapse

Image from the film "Wendigo"

People, this blog is back.

This blog has been shut down by Blogspot, condemned by the San Francisco Chronicle, and personally blamed for the rowdiest, most destructive, piss-drunkest Bay to Breakers in the race’s nearly 100-year history.

All I ever wanted to do was just train to run a full 26.2-mile marathon while getting drunk and high.

So I started a Blogspot blog in 2008 to chronicle my experiences and give advice to those who’d perhaps aspire to do something similar. It was rocking. Sometimes the blog would get, like, three or four comments.

My at-the-time editor over at SFist let me do a couple of cross-posts the week before Bay to Breakers 2008. It was fun. We screwed up a ton of things and I was flaky as hell to deal with.

One of the posts somehow struck a chord, a customized and precise Bay to Breakers race course map with the locations of any and all liquor stores found along the path. Bay to Breakers veterans will tell you that it’s feast or famine in finding open liquor stores on that race course Sunday at 8 a.m.

The original 2008 Liquor Store Locator Map

Now I cannot possibly imagine that this crude Photoshop job somehow changed the behavior of thousands of people that day. I think their PR team’s sexualized “Show Me Yours!” 2008 ad campaign had substantially more to do with that.

But I am told by people who remember that day that, yes, it was drunker and uglier than any other recent year. “Drunks everywhere, people urinating on peoples front stairs, both females and males, and basically a very ugly event,” complained police captain Teri Barrett.

Fast forward to mid-morning two days later after the race, I get up to rub one out to my Bay to Breakers pictures, and my editor pings me to say that very Liquor Store Map post on SFist was specifically called out in the San Francisco Chronicle’s “public outrage” piece published that morning. They connect the Liquor Store Locator map with this year’s exceptionally bad debauchery, quoting me and everything. Unless “everything” means actually publishing my name.

The public outrage sets off a specific alcohol and nudity ban for the 2009 race. The alcohol and nudity ban sets off a “Boycott Bay to Breakers” counterprotest movement. Niether side succeeds, I do another Liquor Store Locator map for 2009, and that year’s race returns to pretty much acceptable levels of mayhem. All controversies disappear. Until…

The updated 2009 Liquor Store Locator Map

Last summer, Blogspot gets wise to the constant and gratuitous drug and alcohol discussion on the blog they are hosting for me and shuts it down without notice. If not for these Wayback results, all that work would have been lost.

So I’m back on it with a WordPress blog, and their terms of service don’t say that I’m in any jeopardy openly discussing booze and narcotics. Well, they don’t say those particular words, but I am confident that’s the gist.

And this won’t just be a Bay to Breakers blog anymore. I’m training to run a full marathon drunk and high someday, and blogging the effects of this training year-round right here.

People tell me that I will “die” if I try to run a marathon drunk and high. I don’t think I will die if I try to run a marathon drunk and high.

I do wonder if I may somehow get in some legal trouble for chronicling this pursuit online. I would hope I could just pin this all on creative license, and not really be held accountable by claiming that none of it was really true. But if I did find myself in genuine legal trouble, or even jail, for keeping a blog about drinking and using drugs while exercising… well, that would just be hilarious.

9 Responses to “Exercising While Intoxicated II — The Relapse”

  1. Hi, this is a comment.
    To delete a comment, just log in, and view the posts’ comments, there you will have the option to edit or delete them.

  2. Thanks Mr WordPress! Now please don’t banish me.

  3. hi there Says:

    yeah, so you obviously are an alcoholic and may want to reconsider publishing your bottom to everyone!

  4. Gee thanks, Guy! i already feel terrible about having left San Francisco. Now i read how much fun you’re having and it makes me hate Phoenix even more. whaaa. i want to go home.

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